One of the most difficult things for many people to do is to forgive another.

It’s easy to get intellectual about the logic for forgiveness. Most of the great religious works advocate it. We can probably agree it’s a good thing to do.

None of that makes it easy to do. If you feel wronged then that’s not what I call a good feeling. So thinking about the person who wronged you is likely to trigger that bad feeling.

My experience of feeling bad is to prevent me from acting — or certainly doing any of my best work.

So feeling wronged is likely to keep you stuck. You would prefer to move forward. It would be better to find a way to somehow not feel that way, repair the relationship and make it so you can both progress.

How? The clue to change is within you, as usual.

Here is my theory. I promise it will probably sound outrageous to you. Take a deep breath. The reason you’re struggling to forgive this person who wronged you is…

That you recognise, at some level, this is an example of a pattern you have run yourself and that you have been unable to forgive yourself for it.

There, it’s out. I’ve said it and you think I’m off my trolley.

The exercise is to write down in detail what the other did to wrong you. Reflect on that for a couple of days. Notice what pops into your awareness. How is their behaviour like yours?

Once you spot what you’ve been up to, it’s so much easier to let go feeling wronged. After you have forgiven yourself, that is.

Ed Percival is a business coach with Shirlaws Business Coaching. He will speak on ‘How to emerge from the recession fighting and push your business forward with confidence’ at the 4th Annual Recruiter Forum on 23 March. Visit www.recruiterconferences.co.uk for more information.