There is a pattern emerging. People are asking me to show them how to make more money and how to improve their relationships.

They have looked to try and find more, and not succeeded so far. Usually that’s because they have just been looking in the wrong places. One thing at a time – relationships first.

To improve your relationships, first improve your relationship with yourself. In a coaching class, I’ll use muscle testing to demonstrate the powerful, depleting effect that self criticism has on your whole system.

Just by asking a volunteer to go over all the things they didn’t do well in the last month – the projects that were not up to their own standard, the times they let down their team and all the other things they got WRONG. They do this in silence and after a few moments they are incapable of putting up much muscle resistance – they have turned into a wimp!

By asking them to empty their mind of negativity and instead concentrate on all the things they did WELL and right in the last month, they turn into strong people capable of resisting my full pressure. So criticising yourself turns you into a weakling. Reminding yourself of what you’re doing that’s working makes you strong.

So how you acknowledge yourself for being a good person seems important. Your homework then is to notice the good deeds you do and acknowledge yourself for them. Improve the relationship you have with you. You will like yourself more. The others will get the hint. Once you fall back in love with yourself, love will find you.

The reason you’re short of money is only that you are not valuing yourself. What you have just learned just needs to be applied to the way you value yourself.

Begin to collect evidence that you have added value to your friends, your team, your department and the people who pay your salary. Notice it and give yourself credit for the good work you’re doing. The more you do that the more value you will contribute.

You need to notice it first. Then, as before, the others will notice it too.

Ed Percival is a business coach with Shirlaws Business Coaching, www.shirlawscoaching.com