In the wonderful world of recruitment there are three key relationships that the whole thing hangs on - the consultant and client, the consultant and candidate and the client and candidate.

We spend a hell of a lot of time trying to make the damn thing go smoothly, with charm or professionalism or whatever, and time and again they prove to be frustrating.

It is time for a fresh look at these relationships, to try and figure out what the hell is really going on and see if we can’t turn them more to our advantage.

It might be stretching it a bit, but it is really useful to see these relationships as passionate affairs. In each case, and in simplistic terms, there is a lover who has to do all the chasing, and a beloved that basically sits there and says ‘prove it to me’.

"It is really useful to see these relationships as passionate affairs”

In the consultant/candidate and client/candidate relationships there is at least some balance, as the roles of lover and beloved shift between the two partners at different times.

The candidate is trying to convince the consultant that they are worth having on their books, and the consultant is trying to convince the talented candidate to stick with them for the best possible job opportunity.

In the client/candidate relationship, the candidate is doing the same routine again, but with a bit more serious intent and the client is trying to sell the benefits of working in their business.

In both these scenarios there is, at least in theory, a situation where two parties are working towards a win/win solution.

However, in the relationship between client and consultant, the loving up is strictly one way and, for whatever reason, the client seems to have lost the idea that there is anything to be gained from the relationship with the dreaded consultant.

"This is not about a one-night stand, this is about long-term commitment”

If we were to see it in romantic terms we would have given up on it a long time ago. Neither side is particularly happy, but they are hanging on because they know they need each other.

It is just that the client (beloved) has lost sight of this and is happy to convince themself that the consultant (lover) is expendable.

Is it time for relationship counselling? Well, yes, in a way it is. This is not about a one-night stand, this is about long-term commitment. This is about establishing rapport and reminding each other what they came into the relationship for in the first place. And given the current state of the relationship, the consultant has got their work cut out for them.

The consultant will always be the lover and the client the beloved. The sad truth is you have to woo them. A cup of coffee here, a lunch there - especially with HR people, they never get treated to anything inside the company, so why don’t you provide the fun.

It is your job to establish rapport. On the phone it’s about matching tone - even if it’s hostile. Agree with whatever they are saying then shift to what you want to say. Use tone as a bridge from their world to yours.

"Empathise with them, pick up their words and use them back"

Face to face, mirror their posture and energy level - not too literally, but in a relaxed way. Empathise with them, pick up their words and use them back.

Put yourself in the client’s shoes and understand their pressures. Imagine a day in the life of your client and you start to understand the place of recruitment in their life. Really urgent but not interesting. So acknowledge that in your approach.

Don’t sell, build a relationship. It begins with a conversation. Imagine you are interviewing them for a job - you want to find out as much as possible about them.

Listen and show that you’ve been listening. Mirror their facial expressions, lose the perma-grin and look out for signals that let you know what they want.

Tell them what you’re going to do, do it and tell them when you’ve done it. These people want detail, they want outcomes and they want action. Impress them with your grasp of what they want.

It is not enough to go off and do it, you have to sing about it. Tell them how wonderfully you are going to meet their needs.

Do some or all of these things and you are well on the way to being seen as the Romeo who captured Juliet’s heart - although hopefully with a happier ending.

TOP TIPS & INFO

Establish rapport by matching voice tone and mirroring the client’s posture and energy level. Put yourself in your client’s shoes to understand the place of recruitment in their life. Imagine you are interviewing them for a job. You want to find out as much as possible about them to build a relationship. Flowers, or the professional equivalent (coffee, lunch, a pint), always go down well. Tell them what you are going to do, do it and tell them when you have done it. Clients want outcomes and they want action. The author of this article - HR/training consultant Paul Harding, runs a training course on Successful Influencing Skills for Recruitment Consultants. Contact Paul Harding Associates on 020 8747 4021 or email: [email protected] Books on the subject include: Customer Once, Client Forever: 12 Tools for Building Lifetime Business Relationships, by Richard A Buckingham, £15.98 Kiplinger Books, ISBN 09387 21828 Developing Knowledge-Based Client Relationships, by Ross Dawson, £16.99 Butterworth-Heinemann, ISBN 0750 671858